The meaning of foster care: the story of Oriana and Enzo
How did you get started in foster care?
I am Oriana. My husband Enzo and I decided to become a foster family a few years ago. For us, fostering is welcoming, caring and giving. Our first experience of fostering was done in collaboration with the social services of our municipality, without the intermediation of an association, and although it was a wonderful experience of love and sharing, it did not allow us to fully understand the beauty of fostering, especially the beauty and love that is born in the accompaniment phase towards the adoptive family. Comparison with other families who have gone through this before us would have been valuable for us.
Is there a difference between biological children and foster children?
Our experiences all culminated in adoption, and slowly we just tried to grasp the beauty even in separation with children who had been our children for some time. We cannot differentiate between our biological children and our “heart” children; foster children remain our children even after they leave.
Tell us what the duties of a custodial parent are.
When you are a foster parent your tasks change over time: as long as the babies were at home our task was to care for them, educate them, direct them, but when they take flight and find their forever parents, we do not stop being parents, only our task changes, which becomes that of accompanying with prayer both them and the family that adopted not only the babies but their whole story.
How has the experience with MetaCometa changed?
It is good to feel accompanied at all stages by a caregiver. In particular, MetaCometa’s social worker Maria Chiara , manages to follow us and support us in all the important stages: the meetings at the neutral space, the court hearings, in dealing with the Guardian.
The other beauty lies in knowing that for all children in our care, there is a plan: family foster care always involves going out into the uncertain, but knowing that a foster care experience has a clear mission helps to accommodate better.
The third strength is knowing that the association supports and protects not only you, but also your biological children, who are also involved in the foster care experience.
Yesterday in the car I was thinking that the best way to describe MetaCometa is a fire fueled by many logs: the log alone when burned makes little light, warms little and dies out quickly. MetaCometa families together, on the other hand, make a bonfire, which warms and illuminates beyond the mountaintops and is always being fed by new families and experiences.
From other MetaCometa families I always feel welcomed and listened to, even from families who live far away from me and whom I meet sporadically. A few days ago I heard from Antonella from Cosenza, whom I met only on the web. We seem to have known each other for a lifetime. We exchanged experiences and feelings we had. Now I am preparing to experience the adoptive transition of M., the 4-month-old baby girl I have been taking in since she was discharged from the hospital after giving birth. Antonella has been open arms and attentive ears in listening to my anxieties and concerns. This is what I had missed in my first foster care experience outside the association. Enzo and I foster also thanks to the many wonderful friends who accompany us and whom we know we can always count on, without them we could not face this wonderful adventure. And in MetaCometa families I have found other friends who have had, or are having the same experience as us. With them we are able to understand each other, support each other in difficulties to rejoice together for each child saved.
What is the final step of foster care?
Donating is the last step of foster care, the most painful but at the same time the most beautiful to experience if you can channel it well. When people who meet me say, “but when do you have to let him go? I couldn’t do this because then I get attached” I try to make it clear that I don’t have a heart of stone. I get attached too, so much. Our family has been chosen by God, and the grace that comes to us from Heaven lies precisely in the welcoming of children in need, which is a cyclone of emotions that pours into your home and undoubtedly makes us grow and gives us infinite joy even in the most difficult times. It is selfish to hold back all this Grace just for ourselves. Imagine a great gift as a brightly shining star: if you lock it in a box no one will be able to enjoy its light. Opening the box to look at the star in solitude from a small slit to keep it from escaping blinds your eyes because the light is too strong. If, on the other hand, you allow the star to reach the place where God intended it, everyone who needs it will be able to enjoy that light. When I welcome a child I think of this: I have a little star that is fragile and not very bright. I help her shine, I give her charge and strength, and I take in some light too. Then I let her go to the place God intended her to go. Seeing the eyes of parents meet those of their children for the first time stirs great emotion, a wonderful image that I jealously guard
Letting go of the children you take in is a great act of love, is there a gesture you remember that made you realize you were on the right path?
A small book telling the story of one of our foster children written by the foster parents. This is one of the most beautiful gifts because they are allowing Enzo and me to remain indelible in this child’s life. They wrote this fairy tale to tell him tomorrow when he grows up and understands: he will know who took him in, who we were. Sometimes, on the other hand, beliefs about fostering, about the sense of ownership of the children we take in, leads adoptive parents to mistrust us when that is absolutely not the case. This sense of gratitude we felt toward ourselves, gratitude for taking care of this child before they took him in is wonderful. The value we place on this book is the fruit of what St. Francis said “it is by giving that we receive”: we unwittingly gave a home, welcome and care to this child, but we actually gained from it. In this small gesture we have gained an enormous wealth from it that emerges from this book and from wanting us as a family to be forever present in the child’s life.
